Family Movie Night
by Kyrie Vali
Summary: It's Thursday. Thursday is movie night with Henry and Regina. This week, it's Emma's turn to pick. Light Swan Queen. OneShot. Mildly cracky.


_A/N: I don't own any of the characters, etc._

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"What about Robin Hood? You got a problem with Robin Hood?"

"…I find anthropomorphic animals to be vaguely disturbing."

"Seriously? Were there not any in the Enchanted Forest?"

"There were, but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Not to mention the fact that he's a _thief_, stealing the hard-earned money from the rich and doling out handouts willy-nilly to the poor…How are they supposed to learn to help themselves if they just get a free ride from some handsome bandit?"

"Okay, fine, no Robin Hood!" Emma grunted, tossing the DVD on top of the steadily growing pile of rejects. They had been at this for almost an hour, and she had never been a patient person to begin with, so this was just getting ridiculous.

Today was Thursday. Thursday was movie night with Henry and Regina. This week, it was Emma's turn to pick, so she had spent her afternoon going around town and collecting family-friendly movies from the friendly fairytale residents of Storybrooke.

Unfortunately, the "family-friendly" movies belonging to the town's residents were the typical fare; mostly Disney movies, none of which seemed to be on par with Regina's standards, and Regina had somehow obtained the power to veto all of Emma's choices. How Emma had ever agreed to that, she had no idea, but she suspected it had something to do with how abnormally compliant she became when she was sleepy, hungry, or horny. Or a bizarre and not at all uncommon combination of all three.

Never enter into a negotiation with Regina while in the bedroom ever again, Emma noted mentally.

She pulled out another DVD, this one given to her by Belle.

"What about The Little Mermaid? I loved this one when I was a kid."

"She doesn't learn a lesson. She just has her father bail her out. Is this the type of lesson we want to be teaching our son? That it's okay to not listen to your parents and get yourself in massive quantities of legal trouble all over some doe-eyed prince who isn't even the same _species—"_

"Okay, _not_ Little Mermaid," Emma sighed, gingerly placing the case aside.

"How about Dumbo?" Regina asked, hands on her hips, eyeing the DVD Emma had picked up but quickly discarded.

"Ugh, no way. That whole pink elephants on parade part still gives me nightmares," Emma shuddered at the trippy sequence. She didn't know _what_ Dumbo had imbibed, but she knew from experience that it definitely wasn't just straight-up alcohol. She rummaged through the box once more and pulled out Ruby's favorite movie. "Beauty and the Beast?"

"Abusive relationship. And it teaches you that bad people can change when they actually can't."

"Why not? You did."

"Yes, but do you remember how hard that was for you? I'd rather not have our son have to go through all that. Why pick the rotten apple and try to make it edible when you can find a perfectly nice, normal, well-adjusted one anywhere?"

"Well if _I_ hadn't picked the rotten apple…"

"Yes, but you're different," Regina smirked. "You're stubborn…And foolhardy."

"And don't you love me for it?" Emma replied cheekily, batting her eyelashes innocently. Regina rolled her eyes.

"…Yes, yes, whatever. Just…pick a different one. Oh, how about this? Citizen Kane?"

"Seriously? _Sidney's_ favorite? You _would_."

"What? It's an excellent movie."

"More like Citizen _Lame_. It's like three hours of _nothing_."

"Fine. What about Singing in the Rain?"

Emma frowned at the sight of Dr. Hopper's contribution to her collection. "Singing in the _Lame_."

"Fantasia?"

"Fan-_lame_-sia!"

"Hunchback of Notre Dame?"

"Hunchback of Notre Lame!"

Regina narrowed her eyes. "To Kill a Mockingbird."

Emma paused, then offered Dr. Whale's addition to her collection. "…How about Aladdin instead?"

"It's racist."

"…Pocahontas?" Granny's contribution.

"Historically inaccurate."

"Hercules?" August's favorite.

"Mythologically inaccurate."

"Okay, now you're just messing with me."

"In the _real_ story, Hercules's stepmother keeps trying to _murder_ him. And _she_ actually succeeds. So let's _not_ have to explain that to Henry when he inevitably gets curious and looks up the real myth, all right? He _still_ makes me test all his food before he eats it. And yours."

"I think he's just trying to trick you into eating cheeseburgers," Emma snorted. "All right, all right, fair enough," Emma conceded at the sight of Regina pursing her lips and returned to rooting through the rapidly emptying box of movies. "Oh, how about Wizard of Oz? It's a classic!"

"_Really?_"

"What's wrong with the Wizard of Oz?"

"Some strange girl comes out of the middle of nowhere, drops a house on the witch's sister, steals custody of something that she has no legal right to, and then _murders_ the witch in cold blood in her own home, and you don't see anything wrong with that?"

"…Well, when you put it _that _way…" Emma mumbled, looking down at the Technicolor DVD case. "You know, it's not _really_ Dorothy's fault that all that stuff happened, right? I mean, she was kind of just thrown into it…"

And maybe if the Wicked Witch hadn't been so mean and threatening to Dorothy…

"Don't worry. I don't blame you, or Dorothy," Regina said soothingly, rubbing Emma's shoulders with her hands. "…I blame _Glinda_."

"But she's the good wit—never mind," Emma sighed again, tossing the DVD off to the side. She picked up another one of Mary-Mom-Snow-Margaret-White's favorites. "Bambi?"

"The mother gets shot. And I think he's a little old for that…"

"Fox and the Hound?"

"Irreconcilable differences."

"Jungle Book?"

"Anthropomorphic animals again. And veiled imperialism."

"I thought you liked imperialism, being, you know. You and all that," Emma teased. Regina looked thoroughly unamused. "Okay, what about Snow Whi—oh, right."

"_Not_ that one."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it…wait, have you watched all of these before?"

"Of course I have. Why wouldn't I?"

Emma shrugged. Somehow the thought of Regina sitting by herself in her living room or at the theatre watching children's movies by herself and getting angry was…really, really, odd. And kind of funny. And kind of sad…but mostly funny.

"Oh, wait. I got it," Emma said triumphantly, pulling the thick set out of the box. "Star Wars. It's got action, space battles, unlikely romance, the evil dad finds redemption…"

"Is it the original trilogy?"

"Yeah of c—oh," Emma frowned disappointedly, looking more closely at the boxset in her hands. She tossed it aside wordlessly. Of course Mr. Gold would only have the prequels. _Of course_. "Forget it. Let's just play Parcheesi or something, I give up."

"Oh, _now_ you give up? Opposing a mayor and dismantling her wickedly powerful dark curse made of the most evil magic in nearly all the realms, no big deal, but perish the thought of Emma Swan having to pick out a suitable family movie for a Thursday night…"

"You know, you're so funny. Are you sure you're the Evil Queen and not one of the Hyenas from Lion King?"

"Oh, do you have Lion King?"

Emma growled under her breath. "No, I lent it to David-Dad-James-Charming."

"Of course you did. You should lend him Hamlet, too, if he's interested in learning more about the consequences of inaction."

"How's Alice in Wonderland sound? It's got a pretty accurate depiction of your mother…except she comes off waaaaaay better."

"Touché, Miss Swan. Touché."

"Welp, that's all of them. I guess I'll go grab the Parcheesi set," Emma sighed, rising to her feet and dusting off her aching knees.

"Now hold on just a second," Regina said soothingly, leaning down to pick up the remaining movie out of the box. "How about this one?"

"…That one? Really?" Emma quirked an eyebrow, staring at the movie in Regina's hands.

"Well, why not? I'm not _completely_ heartless…"

"Aww, that one was really good!" Henry said excitedly as the end credits began rolling. "I didn't think I would because it's not usually the kind I—Emma? Are you okay?"

Emma hurriedly wiped the tiny bit of moisture that had accumulated at the edges of her eyes. "Y-yeah, kid. I'm fine, just fine."

"…Were you _crying_?" Regina asked, looking torn between confusion and the urge to laugh.

"What? No! I just…ugh. Shut up," Emma growled, crossing her arms over her chest indignantly. "It's just that…_ohana means family_…"

Regina and Henry stared at her, their identical expressions making them look more related than biologically possible.

"…OKAY who's up for Parcheesi? I'll go grab the board!" Emma said a little too loudly, jumping up from the couch and making straight for the basement, where they kept all the board games.

"Mom, I better go help Emma," Henry said, an impish little smile on his face. "She is _family_, after all."

"You're right, Henry. We wouldn't want her to get _left behind_."

"…I hate you both."

No Disney ever again, Emma noted sourly. Never. Again.

_The End._

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_A/N: First foray into OUaT fanfiction. Characters are a little OOC for the sake of comedy. Sorry for the poor quality, I wrote this super quickly just to get it out of my brain. Hope it was enjoyable!_


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